Independently Dependent
Independently dependent. My dad used to always say this phrase and I never quite understood it. I asked him to explain and then I stared at him, wide eyed, while thinking about something else entirely on multiple occasions. Then one time I asked him and actually listened! He said, “I want you to be independent but I want you to know that I’m here for you whenever you need me. You can depend on me but I don’t want you to be fully dependent on me.” As a teenager I thought “but I’ll always need my daddy.” I couldn’t comprehend going out into the world and forging my own path but that’s exactly what I did.
Now, as a mother, I pray that I raise my daughter the same way. Right now we’re battling it out trying to get her in her crib in her own room. As I was putting her bed for what seemed like the gazillionth time, I felt frustration and desperation starting to set in. Doubts flooded my mind on whether she would ever go to sleep. As I was about to give up and bring her into our room, I heard my dad saying “I want you to be independently dependent.” I know that Kaaria depends on me for basically everything, she’s an infant. But I also have to start encouraging her to be independent. She has to start learning how to do things on her own. She started to hold her own bottle this week. I was so proud but I also didn’t want to accept that she’s growing up so I would still hold the bottle. I’m learning to let go but it’s hard.
Ultimately, I got Kaaria to sleep and in her crib. Nonetheless, I’m looking at her intently via her baby monitor as I write this. This is a small victory and a small step on teaching her independence. Although I’m teaching her independence, I still want her to know that she can depend on me. So I’ll answer when she cries, feed her when she’s hungry, and change her diapers. One days she won’t depend on me the way she does now and my momma heart breaks at the thought of her not needing me. But one day, I’m going to send her out into the world and I pray that she’s independent and determined enough to forge her own path in life.
Is there someone that you’ve allowed to be overly dependent on you? Are you too dependent on someone else? Take a small step today in becoming independently dependent. It hurts like hell but in the end, it’ll be so worth it.