Comparison

We, as a species, love to point out our differences. We see differences as a way to set ourselves apart, to prove to ourselves that we’re better. Thoughts such as, “I’m smarter than him” or “I have more experience than her” become common place as we try to establish ourselves in our careers and in our relationships. But why do we feel the need to do so? And why don’t we take into account other factors than the ones laid out before us?

Recently, someone explained to me that I was privileged because I didn’t struggle in the same way that they did, or at least that’s how I took the conversation. I may have grown up with both of my parents in a pretty good neighborhood. I went to a decent high school and got good grades. I went to a private Christian institution and received two degrees. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t struggle. 

When people see me, they see privilege. They may see a happy and joyful person but they don’t see the deep hurt that I carry inside. They don’t see the bipolar disorder or the PTSD or the anxiety. They don’t see how I struggled after the trauma from being sexually assaulted. They don’t see the deep grief from losing people that I love. They don’t see that I’ve overcome suicidal thoughts. They don’t see. They don’t ask. They just assume. 

Just because someone doesn’t struggle in the same manner as you, doesn’t mean they don’t struggle. And it also doesn’t mean their struggles are of any less value than yours. Comparison can lead to broken relationships, missed friendships and lost career opportunities. Don’t let it.

Everyone struggles. We don’t see it because we don’t ask and quite frankly, most of you don’t care. Everyone has a story. Don’t diminish theirs simply because you don’t know or understand it. Have empathy. Everyone struggles.